You must be 18 years old to visit this site. Please verify your age. Credits have a way of slipping through my fingers whenever I see some sweet new tech, and I just had to have it, empty pockets be damned!' Ret += ' Wow, this feels good to get off my chest. I probably should’ve just told you this upfront, but I didn’t want to make you think I was some over-modded freak. This time, the cum doesn’t stop. You are bathed in it, anointed in it, baptized in a swimming pool of angelic nut-butter. Better still, the dick in your mouth is bulging, its urethra straining, expanding, pumped full of a sticky snack for your corrupted middle. It goes off like a cannon, making your midriff burble and expand.

1. You awake to the light of a bright-burning sun in your eyes. The softness of the bed you once laid upon is replaced by fluffy yet somehow solid clouds. High above is a sky bluer than a robin’s egg and seemingly endlessly vast, stretching around below you as well as above. There’s no sign of land or even a planet to be found. Stumbling up on your feet, you look around in a panic, searching for something, anything familiar, but there is nothing to be found. Not a ship, not a holoconsole, not a single other person.
2. Well, except for those angels fluttering down from out of the sun’s glare.
3. Wait... angels? Cupping your hand to shield yourself from the unearthly radiance, you piece together the details of their forms: tall statuesque bodies clad in heavy, gold-accented robes, eyes glowing like a cloudless morning, immaculate blonde hair, and yes... radiant halos of pure light. Wings more majestic any siren’s casually flutter behind them, casting no breeze and yet somehow holding their charges aloft. Your mouth gapes open, and you make no move to close it. This is insane.
4. “Quote!” Booms a voice like a brassy warhorn.
5. You clap your hands to your ears in pain, doubling over from the intensity of her voice. Just hearing her talk is like standing next to a heavy freighter while it lifts off.
6. “Sorry,” the lead angel whispers, putting a gentle hand on your shoulder as she apologizes. “It is easy to forget how fragile you mortals are. Do not be afraid of us. Be afraid of the corruption within you.” She squeezes, so strongly that it’s almost harmful, casually pushing you to your knees. “You are tainted. The seething darkness within you could infect an entire realm if not purified, even cast down gods in time. We have seen it happen before, in another land, and we will not see it happen again.”
7. Awestruck, you ask, “Can you purify me?”
8. The angelic archon releases your shoulder and lifts your chin, smiling beatifically. “Of course we can, child. Enough holy essence can wash away even the foulest taint, but it must applied thoroughly, without and within.”
9. “Essence?” You look at her curiously. You’ve never heard such an expression before.
10. The angel pats your head and laughs, “Yes child... essence.” Pulling her robe to the side, she reveals her angelic form. She is both curvy and muscular, chesty and strong. She’s the kind of girl who could bury your head between her breasts and pin you there until you suffocated... and she’s got a cock. A big, fat horse-cock, to be specific. It is completely at odds with the rest of her appearance. Where she has skin like polished marble, it has sweat and musk, its veiny surface pulsating in a decidedly un-angelic way.
11. Your head swims. This isn’t right, is it? But the smell... it’s like walnuts and ocean salt, only dizzyingly potent. Your whole body flushes just from the smell of it, so thick you can taste it on your tongue. Even stranger, you realize just how much you want to taste it on your tongue. The rest of the divine choir tosses aside their robes, revealing a bevy of bestial behomoths, every single one of them just as big and fragrant as their leader’s, but they are far from identical. Some are jet black, others pink, and some mottled.
12. They press in on all sides. You hold out your hands, ostensibly to push them away, but the minute you feel the benevolent boners touching your palms, you squeeze them right back.
13. “Corruption may also be burned out with heat,” the lead angel proclaims, snapping her fingers. Her halo bursts into fire, and her cock surges, growing several inches longer in the span of a single heartbeat. Its rich, pheromonal scent doubles, and your fair skin feels hot. The barest breeze is like feathers stroking your molten skin. Sweating profusely, you stare in wonder, licking your lips unthinkingly. You aren’t sure if its the corruption within you or the angel’s own unholy power that’s making you crave her cock so powerfully, but you don’t care much either way. It’s too hot to think. Too hot not to pant.
14. The archon’s cockhead swells fatter and fatter, then spurts a trickle of brilliant white fluid. It slaps into your lips, splattering across your face, painting you in a layer of glowing goo. She strokes herself, willing more of her silvery pre-spunk to spurt forth, and then, midway through a squirt, she presses her flare to your lips, forcing you to kiss the pebbly flesh of its rim. True to its name, it flares wide, stretching your mouth open as it’s fed inside, making you gurgle perversely.
15. With your attentions almost entirely focused on the holy creature’s unholy beast-cock, you’re surprised to discover that your arms are starting to get sore. Not from the position you’re in but from the way you’re furiously pumping the circle of dicks around you. They’re thrust at you so lewdly, their animalistic tips leaking more of that blessed liquid over your hands, wrists, and arms. You panic briefly, unable to decide on which ones you should focus on, darting from dick to dick to dick, never giving one more than a half-dozen affectionate strokes before journeying on to the next. There’s just too much dick!
16. Warmth surges in your throat, pouring down your esophagus, smoothing away your gag reflex and your panic along with it. Your eyes drift closed, and that perfect, creator-blessed horse-prick burrows in along its lubricated path, briefly bulging your neck in a clear imprint of its distinctive shape. Strong hands with stronger fingers grab your arms, wrap your digits around the closest dick, and frantically pump you back and forth along the lucky equine phallus. The same is done to your other hand. Balls clap against your chin, forcing your nose to push up into her leather sheath.
17. You swoon, drunk on the archon’s scent, feeling her cohorts clench in your hands and unload, dizzy and hot, so very hot. It feels like the divine spooge splatting into your fair skin is sizzling from your heat. The balls on your chin pulse, and your tongue gives an answering swirl. Your arms are passed around to the next pair of angels, pressed into the unyielding, veiny flesh and forced to stroke once more. Flaring your nostrils, you suck in a desperate breath, drunk on the resplendent being’s bestial cock-stench, allowing yourself to be used... purified... whatever.
18. They could bend you over and ram one up your asshole, and you wouldn’t complain. A wave of brilliant goo cascades over your hair. Simultaneously, a geyser of purifying cum bathes your flank. Your hands are pried off the trembling lengths mid-orgasm, no matter how tightly your fingers clutch at them, and forced to serve new masters. These ones go off immediately, like they’ve been edging this whole time, getting off to watching you deep-throat their mistress, ready to explode the moment they brushed your pinkie.
19. This time, the cum doesn’t stop. You are bathed in it, anointed in it, baptized in a swimming pool of angelic nut-butter. Better still, the dick in your mouth is bulging, its urethra straining, expanding, pumped full of a sticky snack for your corrupted middle. It goes off like a cannon, making your midriff burble and expand. It’s flooding you, pumping what must be gallons of angelic essence forcefully into your very soul. You can feel yourself expanding with it, not just physically but completely, becoming greater, holier, more fit to serve the galaxy and these gifted girls.
20. White-glowing juices blind you, but you don’t need to see with your eyes. You can see with your own blinding radiance, ignited by these divine creatures’ offerings. Every cummy splash is a declaration of your own divine purpose, a reminder that you exist to serve the universe’s whims. Your spirit drinks in the cum right alongside your belly, and just when you feel fit to burst, you cum.
21. You wake up, shuddering in the throes of bliss. What a dream!

I would appreciate it if anyone had any of the special names or dev cheats to use. From Trials in Tainted Space Wiki. Lash is a mad scientist who works in a shack across the way from Dr. Badger's Bimbotorium on Novahome. Doctor Lash is.

Welp welcome to my profile... i guess... fuck I'm bad at this.

Gender: Male

Personality: I'm a nice guy when i want to be, but i can be a real asshole too.

Hobby: writing, gaming, watching TV... stuff like that.

Also i like writing Harem stories. Why? Because their fun to write! Sorry if you were looking for a detailed explanation...

Yeah that's about it soooo hope you like my story's. Now if you will excuse me I'm gonna go and copy the Man Law onto this profile to make it bigger...

You see that profile pic? Done by yours truly! Now you know what Mamori looks like! :)

DxD A Gamers Life - (On hiatus)

I'm also on Discord, PM me if you just wanna chat or talk about anything fanfiction related.

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control.

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friends home.)

5. Short-shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler. This is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddy's tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey... who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours?

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl... however the hot girl has an ugly friend... it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be repaid.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper-rock-scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride, unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye-to-eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to ensure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting girls does not count… rule is an exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girl's pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

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24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a pirate should be considered a manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms 'diet', 'fat free', or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of 'watching his weight' or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple 'OOPS', 'My Bad', or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice. No need to say 'I'm Sorry'.

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or 'together.' If they are separated, refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.)

30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man Status and its privileges, and will result in the title 'Manbitch'.

31. Every man should watch Sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight, seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used if said male is over 6' 5' 250lb. or an UFC cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime, and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present, whether family or friend, no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as: Mother's Day, birthdays, or St. Patrick's Day... or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from 'Man' to 'Manbitch' and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement 'I was Drunk' will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of 'Manbitch' from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly... and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war, they are your countrymen fighting to protect you and you should show them your support.

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years' past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play. When leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parents' house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman, 'Do you like this?' And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important than talking.

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because 'it’s not their brand.'

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game, shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

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53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your Man Status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be stacked or crushed, while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (Except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys' night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under any circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race where the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question, 'What do you want for Christmas?' with, 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want,' gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from others by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a 'higher' man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done, but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable. Any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal. Exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. Exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler... ever... unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a 'catfight' it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item, trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, 'Down in Tijuana,' 'One time when we were all piss drunk,' or 'And this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw.'

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination. Beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out 'bullshit!' (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own -grill, car, firstborn child- within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered 'lucky' are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional.)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly 'just a friend', go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole-to-hole or pole-to-pole are only acceptable. If it is pole-to-pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as 'Fag' may be deemed necessary, resulting immediate demotion in man status.

The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. Put this as you're profile if you're against bullying. I bet 95% of you wont put this on your profile, but I'm sure the people with a heart and backbone will.

Tihs is weird, but intrseting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Paste this to your profile if you can read this

Welp welcome to my profile... i guess... fuck I'm bad at this.

Trials In Tainted Space Wiki

Gender: Male

Personality: I'm a nice guy when i want to be, but i can be a real asshole too.

Hobby: writing, gaming, watching TV... stuff like that.

Also i like writing Harem stories. Why? Because their fun to write! Sorry if you were looking for a detailed explanation...

Yeah that's about it soooo hope you like my story's. Now if you will excuse me I'm gonna go and copy the Man Law onto this profile to make it bigger...

You see that profile pic? Done by yours truly! Now you know what Mamori looks like! :)

DxD A Gamers Life - (On hiatus)

I'm also on Discord, PM me if you just wanna chat or talk about anything fanfiction related.

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control.

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friends home.)

5. Short-shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler. This is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddy's tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey... who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours?

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl... however the hot girl has an ugly friend... it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be repaid.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper-rock-scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride, unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye-to-eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to ensure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting girls does not count… rule is an exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girl's pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a pirate should be considered a manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms 'diet', 'fat free', or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of 'watching his weight' or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple 'OOPS', 'My Bad', or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice. No need to say 'I'm Sorry'.

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or 'together.' If they are separated, refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.)

30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man Status and its privileges, and will result in the title 'Manbitch'.

31. Every man should watch Sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight, seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used if said male is over 6' 5' 250lb. or an UFC cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime, and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present, whether family or friend, no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as: Mother's Day, birthdays, or St. Patrick's Day... or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from 'Man' to 'Manbitch' and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

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35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement 'I was Drunk' will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of 'Manbitch' from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly... and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war, they are your countrymen fighting to protect you and you should show them your support.

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years' past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play. When leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parents' house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman, 'Do you like this?' And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important than talking.

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because 'it’s not their brand.'

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game, shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your Man Status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be stacked or crushed, while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (Except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

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61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys' night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under any circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race where the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question, 'What do you want for Christmas?' with, 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want,' gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from others by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a 'higher' man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done, but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable. Any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal. Exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. Exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler... ever... unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a 'catfight' it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item, trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, 'Down in Tijuana,' 'One time when we were all piss drunk,' or 'And this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw.'

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination. Beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out 'bullshit!' (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own -grill, car, firstborn child- within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered 'lucky' are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional.)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly 'just a friend', go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole-to-hole or pole-to-pole are only acceptable. If it is pole-to-pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as 'Fag' may be deemed necessary, resulting immediate demotion in man status.

The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. Put this as you're profile if you're against bullying. I bet 95% of you wont put this on your profile, but I'm sure the people with a heart and backbone will.

Tihs is weird, but intrseting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Paste this to your profile if you can read this